4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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