I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize