Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We need to rekindle our bromance
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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