Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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