so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
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