she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize