I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
