Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
