if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im six kinds of drunk right now
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
