that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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