Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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