4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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