hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
