I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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