I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I want to be your penis for a week.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
