hotel room ftw
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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