dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
