Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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