I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
