I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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