Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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