i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
