Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
