That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
