I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
