I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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