I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
