Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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