my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
