this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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