Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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