only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
