I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
