there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
