I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize