I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
