Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
