kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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