What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
