you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
