And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
