wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
