You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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