Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
