When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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