I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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