I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
