Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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