did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
