This is not my ceiling
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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