there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
