Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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