so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
