I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
