I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
