well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
