If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
