Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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