tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Randomize
