apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
