well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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