I accidentally had phone sex last night
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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