I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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