I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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