I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
