hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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