Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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