those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
