I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
