I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
