i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't turn off my feet"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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