Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
