I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
