I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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