i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
