I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
