there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
