dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
