the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
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yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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